My friend just called me by my birthname today, as a joke. I know he didn't try to intentionally hurt my feelings, but it wasn't funny. Actually not funny at all. Actually so not funny that i broke down crying right as i got home. I know that might sound like overreacting, but I'll try and explain.
Of course he couldn't have known how it would affect me, but because every single one of my friends has already forgotten my birthname ages ago, it struck me like a lightning. A few of those people in the group don't even know my birthname, which is a super good thing, and now they heard it too. In that group, i'm so used to being able to be myself, that someone reminding me of who i still legally am in everyone elses eyes hurts like a motherfucker. I guess it breaks down my little happy bubble. I've tried to forget my birthname as much as possible, because it holds so many memories i want to let go of. So much unhappy time, and a broken person. That name is not me anymore.
I can't really even write proper grammar right now, but I wanted to get this out of my system. Remember that it's not ok to joke on a trans persons birthname. Also I have no hard feelings towards this friend of mine, since obviously he didn't know. But for the future, no joking on that please.
Have a good evening!
Song of the day: Stam1na - Kadonneet kolme sanaa
Here are the lyrics and (a bad) English translation, couldn't find a better one, sorry! It's understandable though!
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