I still don't have anything smart to say, just venting my thoughts again!
I've had really rough times lately, for no reason at all. I'm annoyed by everything and I'm about to break down crying for the smallest reasons. Earlier today I dropped my plate and started bawling almost instantly. And I had just dropped a plate, nothing worse. This has been going on for a few weeks now and it worries me, because usually if I get episodes like this they last a few days max. There's constantly this heavy feeling on my chest, that won't go away. The exam week starting tomorrow, doesn't help my mood at all, and I'm extremely stressed about our gig on Saturday, because I'm having a really annoying flu rn.
On the other hand, I've probably never laughed as much as I did last week. I've had really fun with friends, and I've listened to my feel-good music, which makes me even more suspicious of my constant bad feelings. I'll just hope this gets better soon, it's tiring to feel like this, especially when there's no reason.
Let's keep positive thoughts in our minds!
Song of the day: Agust D - Agust D
Yoongi 100% sent me to Hongkong with that song if you know what I mean
6.1.2018
It's almost 1 AM and I can't sleep so I'll ramble here!
I was rolling in bed and couldn't sleep because of messy thoughts so i decided to write them here. This is gonna be a total mess but I hope you'll get something out of it.
First I want to talk about the song of the days i add to the end of my posts. Nothing much about them, other that they're from really different genres and i suggest listening at least a bit of them, because I myself discovered a whole new world of music that has been my support through so much trouble through a blog and Song of the days. They don't all fit in the same playlist but they tell a bit about the mood i was in when i wrote the post.
From one thing to another, I've started writing a story and was thinking if I should it somewhere. I used to write a lot but stopped almost completely because of anxiety and self-consciousness. For once i think this story is reeeaally cool, so if someone is interested in a supernatural fight against the corrupted government, hit me up!
From another thing to a third one, we've made really good progress with our band, and we have our first gig in only a month! Granted it's only one or two songs, not even our own but there will be people there, listening to OUR music. I'm so nervous, but I trust my bandmates and I'm sure we'll deliver! If you're interested in hearing some of our music, open your Instagram and search for @sevensealsband , there's actually some good bits here and there!
From the third thing to a flowerpot, I've been kind of lonely lately. Not as in friends, because I have a whole ton of friends and I appreciate their existence very much, but a different kind of lonely. A closer kind of lonely. I've been single for about six months, maybe more, and I'm just a ttaad lonely. But when it comes to that, I have ssoo much things on my mind like self-esteem issues and social awkwardness so I'm kind of just accepting that I'll probably be single for a looong time. I'll cuddle myself for now!
From the flowerpot to the finishing lines. Some ppl have been asking me why i write a blog about these things, why I'm ''spreading my private things all over the internet''. Well, I'm doing it because it helps me and my anxiety to write my thoughts down and know that someone is reading them, possibly empathizing with what I have to say. Secondly, no matter how weird it sounds, this is a great opportunity for me to get better at writing English, and just writing in general, like sentence structures and avoiding repetitive wordings. Thirdly, if ever a trans kid or adult or whoever finds this blog, and relates to anything in here, or maybe finds some hope, or Something, my writing hasn't been for nothing. I know that especially when I was younger I would've loved someone like me to just share what's on their mind, so that I'd know I'm not alone with my thoughts.
Huh. I feel a lot better already! Hope you have a good rest of the night!
Song of the Day: Twenty One Pilots - Message Man
First I want to talk about the song of the days i add to the end of my posts. Nothing much about them, other that they're from really different genres and i suggest listening at least a bit of them, because I myself discovered a whole new world of music that has been my support through so much trouble through a blog and Song of the days. They don't all fit in the same playlist but they tell a bit about the mood i was in when i wrote the post.
From one thing to another, I've started writing a story and was thinking if I should it somewhere. I used to write a lot but stopped almost completely because of anxiety and self-consciousness. For once i think this story is reeeaally cool, so if someone is interested in a supernatural fight against the corrupted government, hit me up!
From another thing to a third one, we've made really good progress with our band, and we have our first gig in only a month! Granted it's only one or two songs, not even our own but there will be people there, listening to OUR music. I'm so nervous, but I trust my bandmates and I'm sure we'll deliver! If you're interested in hearing some of our music, open your Instagram and search for @sevensealsband , there's actually some good bits here and there!
From the third thing to a flowerpot, I've been kind of lonely lately. Not as in friends, because I have a whole ton of friends and I appreciate their existence very much, but a different kind of lonely. A closer kind of lonely. I've been single for about six months, maybe more, and I'm just a ttaad lonely. But when it comes to that, I have ssoo much things on my mind like self-esteem issues and social awkwardness so I'm kind of just accepting that I'll probably be single for a looong time. I'll cuddle myself for now!
From the flowerpot to the finishing lines. Some ppl have been asking me why i write a blog about these things, why I'm ''spreading my private things all over the internet''. Well, I'm doing it because it helps me and my anxiety to write my thoughts down and know that someone is reading them, possibly empathizing with what I have to say. Secondly, no matter how weird it sounds, this is a great opportunity for me to get better at writing English, and just writing in general, like sentence structures and avoiding repetitive wordings. Thirdly, if ever a trans kid or adult or whoever finds this blog, and relates to anything in here, or maybe finds some hope, or Something, my writing hasn't been for nothing. I know that especially when I was younger I would've loved someone like me to just share what's on their mind, so that I'd know I'm not alone with my thoughts.
Huh. I feel a lot better already! Hope you have a good rest of the night!
Song of the Day: Twenty One Pilots - Message Man
4.1.2018
New year new me! (not)
Well, nothing interesting has happened in my life, I've just been trapped in my thoughts. I've been wondering so many things and I don't really know how or where to get answers.
First off, I've been wondering how to tell new people i meet that I'm trans. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging about being a special snowflake, but I find it important for ppl to know that I identify as a male. Like how do I bring the subject up? Do I just go like ''btw this is a thing'' or what? That's like the most awkward thing I can imagine??
Other thing I've been wondering is traveling as trans. I could start my testosterone this year, but I'm going to Japan in the spring of 2019. Because of Finland's laws, my passport will say I'm female until I'm 18 and will do the needed steps for it. I was wondering if I can travel with a female passport even though my beard is growing. Probably not. So I wondered if I can get some special things or if I just have to wait for t until that trip is over. That would be the worst case scenario because I've really been waiting to start t.
Well I'll keep wondering!
Song of the day: Muse - Madness
First off, I've been wondering how to tell new people i meet that I'm trans. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging about being a special snowflake, but I find it important for ppl to know that I identify as a male. Like how do I bring the subject up? Do I just go like ''btw this is a thing'' or what? That's like the most awkward thing I can imagine??
Other thing I've been wondering is traveling as trans. I could start my testosterone this year, but I'm going to Japan in the spring of 2019. Because of Finland's laws, my passport will say I'm female until I'm 18 and will do the needed steps for it. I was wondering if I can travel with a female passport even though my beard is growing. Probably not. So I wondered if I can get some special things or if I just have to wait for t until that trip is over. That would be the worst case scenario because I've really been waiting to start t.
Well I'll keep wondering!
Song of the day: Muse - Madness
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